Perfectionism
“What if perfectionism isn’t the problem?”
Perfectionism gets a bad reputation.
We talk about it as something we need to overcome. A habit we need to break. A flaw that keeps us from moving forward.
But I’m not sure perfectionism itself is always the problem.
Wanting to do something well isn’t a bad thing.
Caring about the quality of your work isn’t a bad thing.
Having high standards isn’t a bad thing.
In fact, those qualities can be part of what makes us thoughtful, committed and very good at what we do.
So perhaps the more useful question isn’t:
“How do I stop being a perfectionist?”
Maybe it’s:
“When is this part of me helping me, and when is it starting to make my choices for me?”
When high standards start costing you
There’s a difference between wanting to do something well and needing it to be just right before you can move.
Sometimes that difference is obvious.
You spend another hour making a presentation better when it was already good enough.
You rewrite the email five times before sending it.
You research one more option before making the decision.
You keep preparing for something you’re completely capable of starting.
Other times, it’s much quieter.
You tell yourself you’re being thorough.
You’re waiting until you have more information.
You’re just making sure you’re ready.
And all of those things may be true.
But sometimes they’re also worth getting curious about.
What am I actually waiting for?
“When is this part of me helping me, and when is it starting to make my choices for me?”
Perfectionism may be doing something for you
One of the things I find interesting about our behaviour is that it usually makes sense when we understand what’s underneath it.
Even the behaviours we wish we could change.
Sometimes, perfectionism can create a sense of safety.
If I prepare enough, perhaps I won’t make a mistake.
If I get this exactly right, perhaps nobody can criticize it.
If I consider every possible outcome, perhaps I won’t regret my decision.
If I wait until I’m completely ready, perhaps I won’t fail.
Seen through that lens, perfectionism looks a little different.
It isn’t necessarily something to fight.
It becomes something to understand.
Because when we immediately judge a behaviour, we can miss the opportunity to understand what might be driving it.
The story underneath the standard
Two people can hold themselves to exactly the same standard for completely different reasons.
One might think:
“This matters to me, and I want to do it well.”
Another might think:
“If this isn’t excellent, people will think I don’t know what I’m doing.”
From the outside, both may look like high standards.
Internally, they are very different experiences.
That distinction matters.
Because the standard itself may not be what needs to change. The story attached to it might.
This is why I’m less interested in asking whether perfectionism is good or bad.
I’m much more interested in what happens when it shows up.
What are you telling yourself?
What feels at stake?
What are you trying to prevent?
And is the standard helping you create something better, or making it harder for you to move?
Those questions tell us far more than the label perfectionist ever could.
You don’t have to lower your standards
I think this is where conversations about perfectionism sometimes lose people.
The alternative to perfectionism is often presented as caring less, lowering the bar or simply accepting “good enough.”
But what if you genuinely value excellence?
I don’t think you need to give that up.
The goal isn’t to become someone who no longer cares about quality.
It’s being able to hold a high standard without needing your sense of confidence, safety or worth to depend on meeting it perfectly.
You can care deeply about the outcome and still begin before you know exactly how it will turn out.
You can prepare thoroughly and still recognize when more preparation has stopped being useful.
You can notice something you would do differently next time without turning it into evidence that you failed.
And you can produce excellent work without requiring every piece of it to prove something about you.
Start with curiosity
So if perfectionism shows up in your life, I wouldn’t necessarily start by trying to get rid of it.
I’d start by noticing it.
The next time you find yourself rewriting, researching, delaying, checking or trying to get something just right, pause for a moment.
Not to criticize yourself.
Just to get curious.
What am I trying to accomplish here?
What do I believe will happen if this isn’t perfect?
Is what I’m doing still improving the outcome, or am I trying to create certainty where there simply isn’t any?
You may still decide to spend another hour on it.
You may still raise the standard.
You may still decide that this particular thing deserves more of your attention.
But now it’s a choice.
And I think that’s the important distinction.
“The goal isn’t to stop caring. It’s to understand what’s driving you well enough that you get to decide what happens next.”
If this brought up a pattern you’ve been noticing in your own life and you’d like to explore it more deeply, let’s connect.
